Author Topic: Dwale Poetry  (Read 101 times)

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Dwale Poetry
« on: March 17, 2019, 11:34:38 AM »
[Decided to make a thread here for my recent poems.]

My flame low, frail as foam,
We made a change of hateful acreage,
Bitter course which I was bound
To: trim the wick or quench the embers,
Quick to cut the candle down

And I would be your psychopomp
And you would be my ward
And I would guide you through the night
To what we’re heading towards
And I would be your rescuer
The one to clasp your hand
And lift you off the spinning rock
And clean you free of sand

Clock hands whirled like a top,
A fire died, another grew
A pair of dice through parallax,
To view from heights the chance improved
A votive candle packed with wax

And you will be my psychopomp
And I will be your ward
And you will guide me through the light,
Or what we’re heading towards
And you will be the messenger
You always meant to be
And lift me up the living sky
To touch eternity
« Last Edit: March 21, 2019, 06:45:28 AM by Dwale »
"Cultivating sounds
For all the mothers who come near
To find out
Calling pulse bombs a response

With cotton in their ears
And goodbye kisses for the ones
In the ground
Collecting fallout from the blast

The road leads where it's led
While all the darlings cover Earth
With bare hands

They're blowing all the other kids away

Angels stole the show
The roaring seraph, singing thunder, called
The mother's children home

Blowing all the other kids away"

- Secret Machines

Vincent Corbeau

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Re: Dwale Poetry
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2019, 12:25:34 PM »
[From Slack]

"Eh, I guess it has decent musicality. And the sentiment seems nice, but the overall effect (at least to me) is a tad underwhelming. I'm sure you could do better, but I'm unsure of what kind of improvements to suggest. Sorry. :("

Also, I didn't know we could post poems here. I thought this was just for discussions of poetry.